Nothingness! HELP!!!

Failure to drive...

"...You have chosen to do nothing, so that none of the things you fear will come upon you; so your choices are not made by you but by your fear"

Nothingness? Is that a word? I will put "ness" on the end of words and make it a word. LOL Oh yes it is! Nothingness is defined as the quality or state of being nothing: as nonexistent ... that totally describes my journey with my goal to have my drivers license by my birthday; May 1, 2014.  I. have. done. nothing !! Why you ask ? Because I'm cradling in my comfort of fear.

It's so comfortable here, not my preference but comfortable, I can use the excuse of almost loosing both my parents in car accidents but I don't know if that's it anymore. I released this fear out into the universe for everyone to know and then I took it back and hid it again. I'm just not ready yet to let this fear go. I am terrified to drive but actually I think I am more terrified to fail ... Did you know I failed my road test three times? THREE TIMES! Failure is not something that I have experienced much I guess because I don't take enough risks. I like being safe and to me driving isn't safe. I could die right? BUT that's not really it either ... yup it's fear of failure.

This blog was suppose to go in another direction. See I don't know if I was being totally 100% real about why I was afraid to drive. You gotta be real with why you are afraid or you will be like me doing NOTHING! It's crazy because I am just realizing as I am writing this, that it's my fear of failure that is keeping me from taking the step to meet this goal that I have for myself. My friend dropped that in my ear when I was talking to her about me doing nothing and it didn't hit me until just now! So what should I do? How can I move past this? My mind is saying  "get over yourself and try again." What didn't you do before that caused you to fail? What are the lessons you can learn from those three driving test that you failed ? This is actually the hardest fear that I have faced so far. I feel frustrated with myself that I don't feel motivated enough to face this fear. I could go another 5 years and not drive but that's really not what I want for myself!

Their comes a time when you just gotta ask for help! So I'm asking for help! Please hold me accountable and encourage me through this journey! Part of me wants to stay safe and not do what I see as risky and part of me wants to conquer this fear! So help push the part of me that wants to overcome this! I realized that I can't do this on my own.